back. still broken hearted. still clueless as what to do. when i think i've got the answer, something happens that proves me wrong. now i literally feel my heart beginning to break. honestly. i feel the pain, and it hurts, literally.

no matter what i do it will always feel like a lose-lose situation for me. i'll try to do what he wants and try to move on, but he gets all mopey. i mean come on, i don't know what else to do. it's like no matter what i do i'll always loose. and i always do. i fail at this relationship stuff, and right when i think i'll never find love again he comes into my life and changes it completely. now it's gone and i'm back at that deathly and hollow place.

i saw i'm not ready for a relationship again, and i sort of mean that. i mean i don't think i'll be with anyone anytime soon unless another handsome prince on a horse somehow appears at my front door. which is just as likely as me keeping a relationship going. everytime things are great, it ends just like that. like i'm not meant to feel love or be loved. sure my friends love me, but you know what i mean. i thought i found true love & i still feel that i did, its just gone now & i'm back to being the 7th grade me who hated life and everything sucked. i wanna meet one person, who will listen to me and not judge, who will smile at me even though everything's falling apart, who will be there when i need him. someone willing to take the chance and try no matter what.

only thing wrong with that is that guys like that are hard to find. i mean i found one just like that but he's gone now. i didn't know what to do then, and i don't know what to do now. i have friends it's true, but there' s still something missing. i guess i'll have to learn to be happy without a boy. it's just so hard to let go of the best thing in the world you've ever had, you know?...