too bad it's out with the old shit, and in with the new shit.
but it's okay. i think i'm doing just fine.
who knows for sure.

i'll be looking for a new blog.
i love this one, but the memories still sting me.

So far on this heart-shattering journey, I've learned many things just by drowning myself in books. I figured, reading about other people's problems and insecurities is better than thinking about my own. So I dove right in and found books that, surprisingly, yet predictably at the same time, went along with my own issues; somewhat. Anyway, here are a few lines/paragraphs/pages from some of the books I've been busying myself these past few days, that I found inspiring and insultingly funny (might only refer to one, lol)

DAIRY QUEEN by: CATHERINE GILBERT MURDOCK

Pg. (128)
"[I] looked up, right at the perfect moment, and there was the football coming down. And I put out my hands and caught it like the raw egg at an egg toss, caught it like a little baby, and tucked it under my arm, and the because I was feeling so good I just kept running as fast as I ever could right to the goal line. I sprinted right over it and banked into a turn and jogged back, feeling . . .  perfect. Like life, no matter how much it sucked, every once in a while came together and was just perfect."

Pg. (189)
"I ended up sitting in front of a mirror with all my wet hair, staring at my reflection and wondering if anyone that bad-looking had ever been in this chair before, while a girl named Mica, which she pronounced Meeka, which is good because who wants to be named after a rock, tugged a comb through."

The second one made me smile, though it's a bit insulting, due to my name. LOL. The first one I found very inspiring; that last 2 lines. I want to think like that one day...

ALICE IN THE KNOW By: PHYLLIS REYNOLDS NAYLOR

Pg. (158)
"'Then why did she go out wth him at all those months?' I wanted to know.
'Why does anyone go out with someone? Because se was trying to get to know him better-- see how she felt.'"

Pg. (212)
"'This is the way life is, right? Great times followed by something lousy. Sad, even.' I thought of Molly.
'Sort of,' she said, and smiled a little. 'It's a roler coaster, not a merry-go-round. But sometimes there are lots of good things one right after another and a sad thing only once in a while.'
'That's true,' she said. 'Life isn't fair.'
'Does it ever bother you? I mean, do you find yourself worrying what the next bad thing will be?'
'I look at it this way,' she said. 'If we're going to ruin what good times we have by worrying they won't last, then we might as well not have god times at all, because what difference does it make if we're going to be miserable anyway?'
I hadn't thought about it that way.
'Ejoy what you can, Alice,' she said. 'And when life hits you in the stomach, deal with it then. Don't try to figure everything out in advance.'"

Pg. (221)
"I just goes to show that sometimes a couple with almost nothing going for them can make it if they really want to."

The first one jus got me thinking about me and him... I MISS HIM SO MUCH. And the second and third one just speaks for itself...

CRUEL SUMMER By: ALYSON NOËL

Pg. (30)
"[B]ad things happen, people betray you, mistakes are made, parents divorce, and in the end there's nothing you can do to erase it, you can't rewind, can't go back, the only thing you can do is breathe."

Pretty much self explanatory.

So, here they are; words of wisdom and things that just get me to thinking about my life. I'll end it here, not much else to say at this point but that I STILL MISS HIM, and I WANT HIM BACK.

one day at a time....

XO, Dweetiex3

i want to stop crying over this, but it's hard.
i'm tired of always thinking it's over for good.
i'm slowly loosing hope in everything.
you'd say it's not the end of the world, but you don't understand how i feel.
no matter what anyone else says, no one understands this feeling.
everyone's different, and no matter how similar the situation may seem, the people are different.
i'm different.

today i felt like everything was crashing down,
after that nightmare, i felt like today was my end.
i feel like i've lost everything that matters the most to me.
one right after the other...
they're fading, next thing you know,
there'll be nothing left.

i know i have my whole future ahead of me,
but it's hard when even that includes you..
i want a brain scan, maybe they can tell me what the fck is going on inside my own mind,
'cause i have no clue whatsoever.

breakdowns here and there,
at the worst possible times,
in the worst possible places...

one by one they're disappearing,
and i'm just letting them...
why? 'cause i'm in too deep,
i'm too hurt to do anything.

i'd really just rather fade away myself,
it's not just him anymore,
it's everything that matters to me.
i'm loosing everything...